OMG I feel so much better

OMG I had a good day today. Legal aid was able to come through and I now and an attorney on my side for the protection order. I was so scared that I would have to go in there alone and try to win with my ex having an attorney. Dan, Amber and I met with her today and we were there for 3 1/2 hours. She talked with Amber so that she could hear how she felt about everything and to hear what happen from Amber herself. Harmony is still shut down and is not talking about any of it. Not sure if Amber is going to talk to the judge and she does have a hard time remembering things because of her medical problems and ADD. I also feel that when Amber gets really upset she tends to "black out" and not remember what she said at this time. I just hope we have enough to get to order perm. and to have supervised visits with their dad. Amber did state that she wants the visits to be supervised with her dad. We are keeping Harmony from talking because she has not yet let herself think or talk about everything. She has said that she is the invisible child when she is with her dad. We are going to meet with her again on Thursday and before court on Friday. My mom is even going to be here. Tomorrow I meet with another attorney to get the contempt of court filled out and filed.
As for the wedding I found a Pastor that will do the ceremony that I wrote up without a problem. He is the one that did the wedding for my mom and step-dad. He was great with the girls and even asked Harmony if he could wear one of her skirts as its a renaissance themed wedding. It made she laugh and Amber give him a strange look. I told him he could wear shorts as its going to be hot that day and it is a casual wedding.
The goats are doing great. They are fat and just love to jump around on the playground Dan made for them. We had to go looking for the cow the other day because he jumped the fence to his pen. Pain in the butt cow. He was over by the office eating some of the grass.
With my crocheting I have made a baby's sweater and a dress cover in about a day. I didn't get any done today as I was getting everything ready for the attorney.

School, girls and crochet

So I have been working on a baby sweater that I got as part of my Hook and Needle Club that I'm in. I have been having a lot of fun workin on it now that I have all the decorations for the weddin done. I just hope that everything for the weddin goes off good and looks good. As far as school goes I'm doin ok gonna finish up a class on Monday then have a week off. This is goin to be good cause Amber is bein home schooled this year and we will start our classes together. She has to sit by me to get on the net cause I dont have a longer Ethernet cord. This way I can make sure she is doin her school work and not just playin around. Harmony still wants to go to her old school and be with her friends so for most of the day it will be me and Amber and then we get Harmony picked up after school. With Amber bein home schooled she will be able to get caught up in her classes and will have the chance to graduate on time. We have court again on the 17th for the protection order. I'm hopin that if the judge does not make it perm. with the girls she will for me. I'm so tired of all the crap he likes to pull and I hope I can get the judge to see past his lies and see the truth. I have some cards in my pocket and I will play them if I have to. My mom is gonna come for the hearing so it will be nice to have her there also. Dan is goin crazy having to just sit there and watch me go through this. It just kills him that he cannot do more or be there next to me in court. All I want is for the girls and I to be safe and that everything is in their best interest. As most have called me the google queen I have been livin up to that these past few weeks gettin all the info I can to win this. Will back to crochetin.

Baby Dolls

So today I was working on my Hook and Needle pattern and got to thinkin that I dont have a lil one to try the size onto. So what would any mother of girls do. Go lookin through their dolls right? No not me I started looking for a doll on the web that would work for the baby cloths I am working on. I figure if I can find one or 2 that are about the size of a newborn and one a bit older then I can just have them to make sure that the clothing comes out at the right size. So here I am lookin at baby dolls for me. hehe Also the girls are a bit old for dolls and they don't have any, yes I did check. Now if I get my own then I dont have to worry about anyone takin them back after I finish an outfit.

To cry or not to cry, That is the question.......

What do you do when all you want to do is lay in bed and cry? How do i go on knowing that the girls are not going to be happy? I feel like I have hit rock bottom and know longer have ways to get out. Dan is doing all he can to help but there seems to be no way out. My ex has his parents helping him and we just have use. I don't know what I'll do if I lose the girls. They are my world. I'm trying to be happy for them and let them think that everything is going to be ok, but I'm so worried its not. What I don't understand is why now. Why does he want them now and not when they were growing up. He didnt want his son so why them. I'm so lost right now and have no way of finding my way back. My depression is get worse and I don't know what to do. Someone please help me.

Bad day

It was a really bad day today. Had court with my ex and some how he got an attorney. Makes me feel like I'm screwed and could lose the girls. I have gone to legal aid but they wont go into court with me. Dan and I are going to go and talk to an attorney next week. I'm hoping he will work with us and let us make payments for his retainer fees. If not I will have to face his attorney myself. I was told today that I had to get tough and fight hard. I do know one thing I can bring up and its how he only wants his children when its convenient for him. I can prove this by bringing up his son that he had before I meet him. He had no contact with him until he was starts to have regular routes to Texas. There where no phone calls or letters before that. So, if I have to use his son in this I will. I know that is one thing that will get under his skin. I just have to hope and pray that I can get the help I need for this. I am so scared I'll lose the girls I dont know what to do with myself. I dont think he has thought about the contempt of court he has so I will being that up also and question how he can get an attorney but can't help pay for Harmonys braces or the girls schooling or the other things he has not done. Lets not forget that he went 10 months without paying child support. And yes I got his tax return but always have him telling me that the van would have been paid off if he got his return. I will also make sure the judge knows that I had to make a van payment or he was going to have the van repoed. I feel this is going to be a long hard fight and I just hope that what ever happens that what is best for the girls is put first. All I want is for the girls to be happy.

Most beautiful Lil girl

So its been a long few months. Things with Dan and me are great. The wedding a about 45 days away and I got all of the decorations done. It feels great to have them done, was gettin sick of green lol. On a sad note things with my ex got really bad. I had to get a protection order so he cannot have contact with me or the girls. We go to court tomorrow and I'm going to have to ask for a countenance so I and talk with an attorney. I meet with one on the 14th so i hope the judge will grant it and then just have the cases seen at the same time. It has been really hard to think about all that the girls have been through and not to blame myself for it. I know I have no control over what he does, but to have send the girls there knowing what he is doing has just killed me. I have a lot of information to give the judge as to why the girls will be better off with me. Dan is doing all he can to help but they will not let him talk in court just yet. It has been about 2 weeks since the girls saw their dad. Since then there has not been a melt down from Amber and they both seem so much happier. I was talking to Amber tonight and she started crying when she thought about having to see her dad again and what he will do to them for this. She is so scared that he will blame all of it on them and make them feel bad. We will just have to wait and see what happens.

On a good note I did get pics today of the baby I made the blessing gown for. She is very beautiful. I'm so happy the dress worked out for her. I didnt design the dress I just crocheted it. The designer did a wonderful just and made a beautiful dress.
Will I'm off to get ready for tomorrow wish me luck everyone.